Straight Version:

Today’s science topic is THE UNIVERSE. The universe has fascinated mankind for many, many years, dating back to when astronauts set out to explore the boundless voids of space. Virtually every planet they found was inhabited, and finally the brave crew returned to earth.

Image Version:

Today’s science topic is THE UNIVERSE. The universe has fascinated mankind for many, many years, dating back to the very earliest episodes of "Star Trek" when the brave crew of the starship Enterprise set out, wearing pajamas to explore the boundless voids of space, which turned out to be as densely populated as Queens, New York. Virtually every planet they found was inhabited, usually by evil beings with cheap costumes and Russian accents, so finally the brave crew of the Enterprise returned to Earth to gain weight and make movies. --- Dave Barry

Straight Version:

I’m from Long Island. My parents moved to Florida this past year. They didn’t want to move to Florida, but they’re in their sixties.

Image Version:

I’m from Long Island. My parents moved to Florida this past year. They didn’t want to move to Florida, but they’re in their sixties, and that’s the law. There are leisure police that come and get you when you turn sixty. They have golf carts with sirens, "Okay, Pop, get the clubs right in the back. Drop the snow shovel right there, drop it." --- Jerry Seinfeld

Straight Version:

One of the most astounding cases of clairvoyance is that of the noted Greek psychic, Archille Londos. Londos realized he had "unusual powers" by the age of ten. After a neighbor’s husband had been missing for three weeks, Londos told them where to look. Londos could concentrate on a person’s face and force the image to come out on a roll of ordinary Kodak film.

Image Version:

One of the most astounding cases of clairvoyance is that of the noted Greek psychic, Archille Londos. Londos realized he had "unusual powers" by the age of ten, when he could lie in bed and, by concentrating, make his father’s false teeth jump out of his mouth. After a neighbor’s husband had been missing for three weeks, Londos told them to look in the stove, where the man was found knitting. Londos could concentrate on a person’s face and force the image to come out on a roll of ordinary Kodak film, although he could never seem to get anybody to smile. --- Woody Allen